It’s not the message, it’s the messenger, “she says.” Her prose is crap, her metaphors are sloppy, and characters are cliche, “she says.” Thing is, she’s super famous, and people will buy the hell out of anything with her name attached, “she confesses.” It doesn’t matter if she writes two hundred pages about her dog, or a book of recipes from the third Reich, “she continues.” She is platform; you are dog shit, “she summarizes.”

So, I take it you’re not interested in my book, “I say.”

Get famous, then come see me about selling a book, “she says.”

If I get famous, what the hell would I need you for, “I ask.”

“She smiles.”

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