Archive for March, 2011

Homewrecker

March 10, 2011

Random words in bold.

~~~

Dan B. remembered being excited his first day of trade school. He remembered the look on his dads face at graduation. He even remembered the thrill he got driving a bulldozer the first time. It all seemed so long ago, now, as he unleashed the wrecking ball on another home.

Thirteen connected lots needed to be cleared away for a new shopping centre, or some stupid thing. Most of the homes had notices on the door. There was multiple redundancy when it came to foreclosures, but that didn’t help. He was having nightmares.

The heavy ball struck. Bits of wood, glass, and plaster flew, as a nursery was forced to rejoin the outside world. Hints of painted clouds nearly matched the day’s sky. He swung the ball again; there was a scream. Dan tried to stop the ball, but it was too late. When it swung back, there was a flash of red as it twisted in the wind. He cut the machine. A woman was screaming from the newly opened wall. Blood and bits of flesh dripped from the ball.

That’s when he’ woke up, usually. He didn’t know if he was dreaming this time. Either way, he knew he didn’t have to work the wrecking ball anymore.

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A telegram for Alan K Simpson

March 9, 2011

Dear Grandpa [STOP]

Dad says I need to apologize so I sent you this telagram [STOP]

I’m sorry I never sent you a thank you note for the cup and ball you got me for Christmas [STOP]

And I’m sorry about wearing my pants to low and not taking my hat off at dinner [STOP]

If your still alive next Christmas I promise to dress better [STOP]

From (Redacted) [STOP]

PS There’s no such thing as snoopy poop dog or enema man [STOP]

Breaking News!

March 7, 2011

Here’s another 100 word short with 5 random words. Random words in bold.

~~~

Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen’s mattress. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen’s dish. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen cult? Charlie Sheen wine. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen, chair. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Wisconsin, Libya, DOMA, health care, economic depression, abortion, Citizens United – Charlie Sheen.

3.03.11

March 3, 2011

It’s not the message, it’s the messenger, “she says.” Her prose is crap, her metaphors are sloppy, and characters are cliche, “she says.” Thing is, she’s super famous, and people will buy the hell out of anything with her name attached, “she confesses.” It doesn’t matter if she writes two hundred pages about her dog, or a book of recipes from the third Reich, “she continues.” She is platform; you are dog shit, “she summarizes.”

So, I take it you’re not interested in my book, “I say.”

Get famous, then come see me about selling a book, “she says.”

If I get famous, what the hell would I need you for, “I ask.”

“She smiles.”